Q: What has two legs and totally sucks ass?

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one. Though losing my camera is.

I have had the worst gas all day today and it has been hilarious. More on that later.
Lately I've found myself presented with a situation that I'm not sure has any possible acceptable resolution, and there are currently two main options. Without getting into specifics, the first would be better in the short run, but the possibility of a pleasant long-term outcome is almost nil. The second option would suck in the short term and if it didn't quickly backfire would likely be the most beneficial yet least satisfying long-term maneuver. I guess what I saying is both choices probably suck, it's just a matter of when and how much. The second choice would also be hard to implement all things considered and could be pretty awkward, and it's more than likely the first choice would ultimately have the same outcome as the second. Not sure if that makes sense to you but it did to me.
On a not totally unrelated note I realized today that I am about 6 months away from turning 30, and I have no desire to be single when I do so. I'm not going to just start dating some random girl, but I think it's good to have a goal. The plan is to keep running and stuff and hopefully be in as good of shape at 30 as I was at 22 or 23, and I think that is pretty realistic and might help my cause. If (when) that fails I've decided that if I'm going to be single I at least hope to avoid being that old fat single guy, though the creases in my forehead and lines around my eyes combined with going out too often certainly don't help any. If I can't make any progress on the relationship front by that time I'm seriously considering moving somewhere else, maybe Chicago or something, to get a fresh perspective, and just for a bit of a scenery change. I don't expect it to be a miracle cure, but I'm not getting anywhere here and sometimes change is good. I guess we'll see in six months.
I'll pause here to take a shower.
Okay. So it's official, my camera is lost. Or more precisely, if it is still here then it's whereabouts escape me. The bright side of this is I now have an excuse to get a new one, and who doesn't like getting a new camera? Nobody, that's who. It's getting late and I'm hungry. Time to hit melrose for trivia.

This is not the greatest blog in the world. This is a tribute.

I think I have some sort of disease where whenever the weather sucks then I do as well, productivity-wise that is. When I rolled out of bed I was determined to make the most of the day and get some stuff done. I didn't. I watched Heroes season 2, went to the Y for an hour or so, hit Kroger and then came back and watched some tv online. I had meant to study some Spanish in preparation for a trip to Central America sometime this spring, but I never got around to it. A couple people have said they want to go to Costa Rica and I could certainly stand to go back there for a while, but I suspect that when it comes down to it they will bail on the whole deal. It could be a pretty cheap trip so hopefully it will work out.
Now I'm sitting at home alone drinking and wishing I were out doing something. It's not so much that I feel like I need to go out, it's that I know nothing is going to happen or change if I sit around here all weekend being boring. Who knows what I'm missing or who I'm not talking to and all that. Sure, most nights I go out and nothing happens anyway, but there is always a chance and I owe myself that much. As I get older it seems more and more people get married or in serious relationships and spend less and less time going out doing dumb shit, so I need to make the most of my few remaining years of drinking friends.
On another note I think I might get up early and go do the Percy Warner 5k tomorrow morning. It starts at 8 am or so which is pretty early but I would like to do it just to compare it to my time last year. Plus they give out cool shirts. Not sure if that'll happen though. But maybe.
Lately I've been thinking about handedness and how dependent I am on my right hand for doing almost everything a hand could do; my left is almost worthless (curiously there is one thing my left is good for and that is rubbing shampoo/ conditioner into my hair. I tried with my right and it is borderline impossible. Yeah.). To try and counter this I have started using my left hand more often, but it is awkward at best and futile at worst. I hope someday to become more or less ambidextrous and be able to write, masturbate and throw with equal skill on each side. A boy can dream.
For some reason I've been feeling pretty stressed out lately, and I've never really been one to get that way. I think trying to get back on the night schedule at work and the general uncertainty about what I want/ plan to do might have something to do with it. But whatever, that is what EtOH is for.
Well, I'm going to go try and read something though I suspect I'll just end up watching more tv online. Non sequitur. Songnan is heading back to Shanghai to live in a few months. While on the one hand that sort of sucks, on the other hand (the left? hmm) it's cool because I will soon have a free place to stay in Shanghai and free food while I'm there (his parents own a few restaurants). So the plan is to hit China this summer and see what that shit is all about. Probably pick up some Chinese women. Well, okay, probably not. F you.

I know where the hippies go

I spent most of today being a complete piece of shit; watching tv shows online, dicking around on facebook wishing I had friends and then going to the Y. After all that shit wrapped up I ate a grilled chicken sandwich and some cheese/broccoli rice followed by a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I spent the next hour shitting my brains out and wishing I had just gone to Kroger for a salad. Once my stools became solid I went to Melrose to meet Strunk and some kids to knock a couple beers of my list and then we all went to the Basement to check out some music. The first guy kind of sucked but the main band was pretty good, in that filthy Springstein meets Bon Jovi meets crushing poverty meets hygiene by the wayside kind of way. Not bad though overall. The thing that kills me is that everyone there was dirty-looking, wearing ratty clothes and flannel jackets and old boots and shit like that. What part of liking music means you have to dress and act like jobless homeless trash? It's almost like there is a competition to be the most 'authentic' stereotypical dirty hippie. Clean up, get a job, and shave you stinky bastards. Actually, that was an incredibly unfair and hasty generalization and I like most people as individuals, I just don't understand the universal homogeneity that exists amongst the music wannabe crowd.
After that it was back to Melrose to polish off a few more beers and get owned by some random chicks at the basketball game in the back. I absolutely suck at that shit but it is fun as hell. Speaking of fun, I have been wanting for weeks to go play laser tag downtown, but nobody will go with me. What could be cooler than getting trashed and running around in the dark? If you know please tell me. It's late and I'm going to bed. Alone. Damn it.

Wearing nice clothes does not make people like you, but wearing doo doo undies will probably make them hate you.

I finally remembered my password so I can post here again; for a while I couldn't get logged in and had to post an entry on myspace. It was even less interesting than usual so if you didn't see it then congratulations, you just saved 5 minutes of your life.
Not much has happened in the last few weeks so this will be a brief recap of almost nothing. Valentine's day came and went as it always does, except this year I think I actually talked to a girl at a bar for a few minutes, though of course it ended up going nowhere. In my mind I'd like to think that she turned out to be a fatty. At this rate I should be on schedule to get someone to sit through the first 15 minutes of dinner next year, and by 2013 an entire date might be possible.
Apparently there is some other guy in Nashville that looks like me and he seems to know at least a few women, so maybe I'll pretend I'm him next year and see what happens. The added benefit of this approach would be that she'll go looking for him instead of me when she feels sick the next morning. Surprise bitch!


As corny as it sounds I did meet some girl the other day who is trying to set up a speed dating thing next month at Mercy Lounge and I think it could be worth a shot. The idea is that it won't just be an open event for anyone, it will be a referral-only type deal, a friend of a friend sort of thing, that way everyone there can be vouched for in some way. Hopefully it will keep the douche factor down. Then again it could suck ass, but I've never done anything like it before so if nothing else it will be something to get me out of the house. Also, I have nothing to lose.
On another more productive note, I have found a short-term reason to get up every day: a reasonable beer list. There is a bar on Franklin that pretty much everyone lives behind or within a few minutes of that has around 80 or so beers on the menu, and if you drink them all you get your name on a plaque or something like that. I think am down to the last dozen or so, and after tonight I should be in position to finish it off next weekend. To the best of my knowledge nobody else has done it yet so it would be cool to be the first. Not sure why. One aspect of the whole thing that sucks though is that they are technically supposed to limit you to 3 beers off your list per visit, and while I've only been cut off once or twice the whole concept of 3/ night is pretty lame. There were a few days where I got 7 or 8 though so I guess it works out. Drinking rules here are stupid. In New Zealand to get your name on the wall (which I had to do since there wasn't yet anyone from the States up there) you had to drink 11 pints in one night, which is far more fun.
Some other random shit has happened, but I'm tired of typing. I've started looking for a house, training for a few half marathons, and working out and trying to eat better so as to get ready for the beach next month. We'll see how that goes but I'm not expecting much. It's kind of hard to train for stuff with the beer list still hanging over my head, but I have to say I've surprised myself lately by being able to get trashed one day and then have decent days at the y the next. Maybe getting old isn't going to be that bad after all. Good thing I'm not a woman or getting close to 30 and being in my situation would suck. I think almost every chick flick is based on that very principle.

Cold weather is only slightly more appealing than your fat mother. And I hate cold weather.

Holy shit it's cold here. Being cold is like being a fat worthless shit; there simply is no good reason for it (chronic disease states aside). I just got in from a Thursday of barhopping all over town, and I do mean all over. Melrose, Joe's Place, Crow's Nest, Greeh House, Red Door 1 & 2, 3 Crow Bar, and some other place. Talk about a big night. Ross and I pretty much owned Nashville but ultimeately found little of interest despite our citywide search for entertainment. Each place we went had fewer girls than the last which was weak considering our first stop was pretty much a dead zone. Not that it really matters since chicks I like seem to hate me and I never meet girls anyway. They say god has a plan for everyone but I have to wonder: I'm almost 30, what the hell? Then again it 's great not having to think about anyone else's feelings when I go out, and being selfish is pretty cool. If there is one thing I've learned in life it's that you should always do whatever you want all the time without regard for the effects your actions might have on others.
Shit. I had this story about last weekend to write but I think I'm about to pass out so I'll do it later. I already put pics of it on facebook anyway. Lori, since you are the only person who reads this anyway I apologize for the shitty blog but I'm really drunk and really tired. I'll post again later.
Enclosed is a picture of my Arizona vacation.

Holy shit it's January up in this bitch.

Well it's been a while since my last blog post and I'm sure both people who used to read this garbage will be thrilled to see things hopefully getting back on track. They must have very sad lives.
So a brief recap of the last few months: I spent most of November in Thailand and Hong Kong, with two super-brief and Indian buffetless stops in Tokyo, a really really long day of freezing balls in Seoul and a night in Chicago thrown in just for good measure. Thailand was for the most part fucking nuts, with tons of stuff to do (weather permitting) and a crazy full moon party on an island for those with a penchant for shirtless beach drinking until sunup before falling asleep on the boat back home. In hindsight I should have gotten my teef whitened. Maybe next time. Hong Kong is also cool but the air is shit and the drinks get pricey quickly. Tokyo was more or less the same as it's always been but the fact that Eureka's Castle or whatever the Indian place was called has closed means I probably won't be going back this year, except as a stopover or something. Sorry Rori, but Tokyo is dead to me. At least until I decide to buy a $2,000 kitten. I already covered more about the trip than the average person would probably care to read in my facebook photos so see them for more should you want it.

December was spent doing very little that would be of interest to anyone. I lost my tan, quit working out so much and started getting fat. The winter cold really pisses me off and I typically end up loafing around the house or (on a good day) riding my bike on the trainer until I decide it sucks (5-10 min on average) then eating something bad for me.

Now that it is January I have started the new year with a new job and a new short-term reason for living. I recently decided that despite the fact that a week ago I couldn't get through a mile without stopping to gasp for air I need to run in the Music City half marathon this April. I did manage 5.5ish miles today, but it was split into two short runs.

Here is a pic of my shoes, which like your mom are starting to look kind of worn out and sorry. Also not unlike your mother, they are soon to be discarded in favor of a new pair that should be here shortly. Why did I post this picture? Why did I even take this picture? I don't know.

In other news I've been without a tv in my bedroom for almost two weeks. For a while I had quite a tv sales racket going; I was buying tvs and then just selling them to people on Craigslist for a profit. Surprisingly easy and effective way to make decent amounts of money, but it worked too well this time, as one guy ended up buying the set off my wall as well. Everything is for sale I say. Anyway, this is what I'm left with:
I don't watch a ton of tv but when I'm falling asleep it's nice to hear the voices of women on tv instead of being forced to listen to the sounds of solitude coming from the other side of the bed. Sometimes I think I can hear the ocean coming from the hollow area under my blanket over there. Sigh. At least I can rip huge farts without worrying about it.
Moving on, check out that sweet modded 360. Ballin. The new tv should be here by this weekend and it will be out of control. I went way, way overboard size-wise and will post a pic when it gets here. Completely over the top but watching movies will be cool as shit. At least if I ever do manage to get a girl over here it will be easy to ignore her the next morning with the new set.
Boredom is starting to set in. I've said this before but this time I think I mean it: More frequent smaller updates will be the way to go from here on out. Things are probably funnier if and when I can remember the good parts. I also need to go back and edit out some commas as I use way too many. Most of this is thrown up as a bunch of disjointed crap before I can forget what I want to write then I don't really go through and clean it up. Oh well.