Dominos Cinnastix are delicious. And free. Squat. Rip.

Everything I'm about to type is completely boring and pointless.
As someone incapable of cooking anything more complex than sloppy joes or peanut butter on toast it has been a rough few weeks for me food-wise. In a typical week I will go out to my mom's on Sunday and get loaded up with a dickload of good food that gets me though Wednesday or so, at which point I transition to ham sandwiches on one of several different kinds of artisan bread. Buying expensive bread is my way of making a sandwich into a meal, just to kick things up a notch. BAM! Muphucka. Sometimes I go so far as to buy a bag of Sunchips and some juice, but typically it's just a lame-sandwich. That pattern was recently broken when I took a new job a few weeks ago and had to move to working during the day.
Too tired to drive to mom's I was forced to comb the internet for foods that could be prepared by someone else and then brought to me while still hot (I tried to find some place that would actually send over a temporary house boy to feed me but have so far come up short). What I did find was a coupon for a $6 large pizza and some free Cinnastix. Jackpot. Not normally one to go overboard with sweets or greasy stuff in general, I find myself unable to not buy and eat cinnastix multiple times per week. They are too F ing delicious. I would eat them all day every day if I could.
What sucks about this is that the schedule change combined with this garbage cold weather has made me lazy as hell and I've put on 7 or 8 pounds, which is a lot for me. I will go to the gym today though, since it goes without saying that girls don't like fat guys and it's almost spring break time. For someone.
Also, my eyes are bloodshot as a mofo but I promise I haven't been sitting around blowing trees all day. I'm not a hippie, I just need a nap. Buy me this shirt for Christmas: http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://rlv.zcache.com/terrance_phillip_blood_rage_tshirt-p235640372742657902qw9y_400.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.zazzle.com/terrance_phillip_blood_rage_tshirt-235640372742657902&usg=__rX9IoAf1FCiQVgJNsGwyX1RjnhE=&h=400&w=400&sz=33&hl=en&start=2&um=1&tbnid=48GCAnrGL8E1xM:&tbnh=124&tbnw=124&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dterrance%2Band%2Bphillip%2Bblood%2Brage%26ndsp%3D21%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26sa%3DN%26um%3D1

A brief tale of my encounter with a pathetic soul. AKA God this guy is a loser.

So he comes over the other day, and while I initially simply refused to open the door lest he try to come in, I was hours later dismayed upon exiting to find that he had simply taken to sitting in the bushes around my porch. Whether this was to hide or just feel more comfortable in the dirt I don't know, but anyway.
The stench of moldy teeth on his breath he approached until I, pinned into a corner, could no longer back away from this ragged husk of a man. Then it spoke: "Hey, I know we joke around about me being garbage but I think I finally realize that it wasn't a joke. I am trash and you are all good looking and popular and stuff. How can I turn my pathetic waste of a life around? All I want is to get off the meager government subsidized food rations and out of the section 8 housing the feds give me. I just want a chance to not suck so fucking badly at life. And a shower. Help me."
Now I'm always up for a challenge so I figured what the hell. I'll call it charity work and write it off I thought. I told him to come back in two days, and lacking a car or even money for the bus he returned to the bushes until he saw the mail man come twice (which considering we spoke on Friday afternoon meant he sat three days, what a dipshit). Turns out his Hello Kitty watch is analog and he couldn't read it, and it's also broken so even if he could he would always think its 2:30.
Once he brushed himself off and I turned the hose on him we took some patio furniture (which I later helped him fashion into a makeshift airplane so he could 'fly' home) into the yard and I laid out my plan for his 'future' such as it is.
"So, I've spent a solid 5 minutes thinking about your situation which I think is more than adequate given that any change for you would be an improvement. So, let's get to it. We'll start with your employment status. It's garbage. I was thinking that perhaps we could transition you from your current duty as the guy who cleans the grease traps at Capt D's into a more upwardly mobile position that better utilizes your admittedly limited skill set. Sales seems like a good fit and as it so happens while at Kroger the other day I overheard the manager talking about hiring Spanish speakers to stock the shelves at 3 am. I immediately thought of you. After reviewing your 'qualifications' with the night clerk he decided that you were perhaps under-qualified for the position but he did offer up a spot cleaning out the grease traps, even suggesting they might pay you to do so. That sounded tempting but being who I am I threw him some money and he changed his mind. The job is yours. The $11.85 I used to bribe him was just some leftover shit I was going to throw into the sewer in front of some bums anyway, but to keep you honest it is going to come out of your first 18 paychecks. I'm not a charity after all.
"Now, about your appearance. You look like a sack full of mashed-up assholes. I'm thinking we can get you into something more modern and trendy like some Gant or Knights of the Round Table; is there still a Burlington Coat Factory around here? I think that might be going a bit upscale, but considering that on the rare occasion you actually wear a shirt you only have the bottom button closed it is a step in the right direction. For the last time, this is Nashville, not Staten Island, so leave that pursed-lip fake tan wifebeater spiked hair broseph guinea daego wop I-tie spic guido shit in the landfill where it belongs. And enough with the glow in the dark wolves howling shit already. Here, take these shirts and one of the suits I had custom made for me and just keep losing weight until they fit. You fat shit.
"Of course transportation is at present an issue for you and those like you but I think I have the answer: Stop carrying that mop with you everywhere or at least allow it to dry out completely before you try and get on the bus with it. I would think that should be obvious but clearly in your case I would be thinking incorrectly. You really are rubbish. Scoria. Waste. Shit. Man, your life sucks. Here, take this prepaid phone card in case you want to call the suicide hotline. It only has $400 on it though. Also, what happened to that 86 Fiesta I bought you? Surely you didn't sell it for coke. Are you still giving dudes cocaine in exchange for letting you fellate them? God. Like I told you after your 4th DUI I can't keep buying you vehicles every 6 months. Well, I can but you'll never learn if I do.
"But, back to the mission at hand. Doing in a matter of hours what you have somehow been unable to do during the whole of your shiftless life, I have secured you employment, cleaned you up, dressed you appropriately, given you access to mental health care and solved your motility problem. Please never come to my place of residence again or I will have to call your parole officer, and bear in mind there is a middle school less than 1,000 yards from here so it would be a double whammy for you.
After my presentation he just kind of sat there for a moment taking it all in. He looked around slack-jawed and a butterfly landed on his nose. I showed him how to read a map and helped him catch the bus to the soup kitchen, but rather than say thanks his last words as he drunkenly, unsteadily climbed the bus ramp were 'hey man, can I borrow a dollar?"
Trash through and through. Garbage.

Oy vey. Tomorrow my white ass heads out in search of adventure. Or not. I mean whatever, you know?

In about 10 hours or so my friend Russ and I will be getting on a jet plane (in coach with old peolpe, sweaty people and disgusting dirtbag children, yuck) and heading to Paris for the first stop on our 12-day trip to the wilds of Western Europe. Realizing that few people have ever been brave enough to venture into the untamed depths of France and England (our third stop), we are taking it upon ourselves to go forth and document the goings-on across the pond. We will probably be the first native English speakers to ever set foot in the UK, and as such we are prepared for some difficulties in communication. My plan is to speak ever louder while waving my hands in order to get my point across. In France I will be limited in that I will only have one free hand to wave, as the other will surely be locked in place pinching my nostrils shut, lest I gag on the tender Parisian aroma of sweat mixed with cigarettes that seems to saturate the air and permeate everything around.
I suppose I should take a step back and mention that the backwards countries of France and England will be the bookends to our primary destination: Iceland. Despite it's frigid name the weather is purported to be quite mild considering its location (Lat 65 N, Long 18 W), and at some point the savages inhabiting the island have been taught God's Christian United States English of Sacrament and Redemption as used in Churches of Christ, His one true tongue. Both of these things will make our time there more tolerable.
Anyway, I am taking a computer with me and plan to use this page as journal of sorts to keep track of all the awesome shit that I do that you people back home are not doing. I also have a rough outline of the credit card/ score stuff mostly done for anyone who might care, but it is going on the back burner for now. I'll leave you with a picture of some Alabama fans.

Holy balls.

The weather here has been pretty awesome lately, so awesome in fact that I haven't messed with this shit much. Once my laptop gets here I should be able to sit on the porch and write all day. I think I'm going to try and write a book, or at least see how much I can get done in one sitting. Anyway, until I can finish Greg's story between wankings enjoy the following pic I found somewhere online.

Friday night was not everything it could have been. But it was something, and sometimes that is better than nothing.

Friday got off to a late start. We didn't get Holy crap that chicken and those brownies I ate are about to explode out my ass. Gotta run... will finish lat

I didn't do anything worthwhile today. But I did find this picture of two morons so I don't feel too bad anymore.

Yeah, these guys truly suck balls in a way that is seldom seen in this day and age. Truly awe-inspiring. Stay in school.

Anyway, since nothing happened today I'll just write something that might actually be interesting to some people.

Reading bits and pieces of Rori's new blog about credit card stuff has inspired me to put to paper something I was telling P-Base (see, I'm starting the pseudonym game already, though in this case I'm not sure why) a few weeks ago. Lori's take is very Dave Ramseyish, and that is fine if it works and you are looking for the easiest way to just pay off some debt. My take on the matter is pretty much as anti-Dave as one can get, but you end up with a lot more in terms of return on time and money.
For those who don't know, Dave's plan is based on 'debt snowballs', paying bills from smallest to largest, and cutting up credit cards. It is very easy to figure out and stick with, and there is pretty much no risk involved. It is aimed at those who either don't know or don't really care how credit scoring works, and there is a huge amount of nonsense credit card scaremongering thrown in. But it works. With Dave's plan you pay interest on your debt, hurt your credit score, and live in some fantasy world free of liquidity where having $10k in the bank as an emergency fund will somehow solve all your problems.
The path I walk is very different and not for everybody and is admittedly more difficult given the economy these days. But, with some patience and time you can still save money, travel well for almost free and even make money by having huge amounts of credit card debt. All the while your creditworthiness will be going through the roof and you will be establishing a solid credit history (which should come in handy when trying to make some decent money once credit starts flowing again). The downside to this is that it's really easy to fuck up big time if you are a lazy shit and/ or just don't have time for it.
My plan is based around getting more credit cards shifting debt. If you don't have debt, get some, as it will become your friend. If you are old-fashioned and don't feel like leveraging one of your most valuable assets (your credit score) stop reading. If you are reckless and can't control yourself then you are already fucked. Now, to be fair, this isn't something I just came up with myself; it's based on what I've read over the years at Fatwallet finance forums (ignore most of the rest of the site) and countless other sites as well as what has worked for me. You'll notice I focus a great deal on Greg's credit score. This is what the whole fucking shebang is about. Get that right and everything else will just fall into place. Unless you're an asshole or something. I'll also try and throw in some bullet points somewhere along the way explicitly highlighting important stuff that may or may not be inferred by you, the hapless reader doucheass.
I've tried to explain this to people a couple times without much success, so if this doesn't make sense I will edit it and expand as necessary. I'll try a case-study approach. Let us take Greg DiPhallus and his $10k of debt as an example, calling him Greg or GDP for short. I just noticed that GDP is harder to type than Greg, so we're going with Greg. Moving on, Greg has just finished a few shitty years at a small private Christian college where he never got laid despite being hot as fuck and smart as shit, as well as incredibly humble. Up to this point in his life Greg has thought about his credit score about as much as hot bitches have thought about his bulge: Not too fucking much. Over the years he has signed up for various store cards to save 20% at Structure or get a free T-Shirt on the beach during spring break at PCB or some shit like that, and he also has a debit card, some other credit cards and a checking account. Most of his debt is spread across several low-limit cards that charge high interest rates (I think this seems like the most common scenario). Greg has a job that pays average wage for the area. I don't know, $50k or so? $60? $30? It probably won't matter anyway. But the fucker has a job and some income. And rent. Car payment? I don't think most people I know have them so I'll say no. But if we want to give him one we can work that in in another post. In fact, lets say he does have one and we'll get to it later.
Right. So Greg has $10k on 4 credit cards. What is he to do? Well, first and foremost he needs to check his credit score. Not the FAKO shit from freecreditreport.com or any other similar garbage. He needs to know his real FICO score. It is not free. Reports are free, scores are not. Let's put him at a shitty-but common 640 or so. This is not a great score, but with patience it is certainly workable. Along with the naked number it will be helpful to have an idea of what exactly it means and how it is calculated; once we know how they figure it we can figure out how to raise it. Here is a good explanation http://www.bankrate.com/brm/news/credit-scoring/20031104a1.asp
A couple things to note: Paying your shit on time, your debt to credit ratio and the age of your accounts together make up 80% of your score. Eighty fucking percent. Notice what doesn't mean shit: Income, owning a home, age, whether you're a bitch or dude, etc. The things we can easily change are the things that matter most, and the things we're more or less stuck with count for ass.
How does this apply to Greg and what should he do next? First, pay all his bills on time for a few months. That is common sense. Then hit the phones, bitch. Start with the easiest possible shit and call each card co and ask them to drop the interest rate. Every little bit helps, though soon he won't even look at APRs because they won't matter. But for now Greg is a broke ass pussy bitch. He will probably get a lot of 'nos' but whatever. Fuck them.
Now that he is working on the first factor he can control it's time to move on to the second: the debt to credit ratio. Let's say Greg owes $2k on a card with a limit of $2500. That means he's carrying a balance equal to 80% of his credit available, and that looks bad to creditors and the layman alike. Knowing that a lower % of credit used is better regardless of the exact numbers involved, how can a guy with more or less fixed income and expenses decrease that number most easily and make himself at least appear more credit-worthy? Save up and pay it off? Sure, but we want easy, and the easiest way is to simply get more available credit. It is at this point Dave Ramsey starts blowing loads into his own face. Most credit cards have a button online that reads 'request credit limit increase' and most of them are fairly loose with what they give you, though once you get around $24.9k with AMEX on a single card they can be a pain to deal with. Anyway the idea is to either call or go online and request a credit line increase for that card. Let's lowball and say they only give him $1k more of credit. Now he owes $2k on a card that will give him $3.5k. Despite his debt not changing he is now only using 57% or so of his available credit. Do this for each card and it will make a difference in his score, and that is what counts in the long run. Now, it is important to do your homework, as you do not want the card issuers making hard pulls when they do this. I am getting tired but will pick this up later. I'm going to leave myself some notes as to what I'm thinking.
-planning - balance transfer (to card and/ or bank account)- online banking- liquidity- money in hand/ credit (as it relates to emergency fund) - interest compounding for/ against you - getting stuff along the way - 100s of ks of airline miles/ hotel points/ etc - avoiding renewal fees - consolidation - issuers - resources - conventional wisdom is for dumb people - making money with other people's money (enough to pay bills/ more) - don't cut up cards, never close them, consolidate
- minimize hard pulls
- what are pulls
- FAKO/FIKO
- Business cards
- hide debt
There is plenty more. I didn't realize how much there was to this when I started writing it. Shit. So I guess from here on out this blog will be finishing this explanation of stuff mixed with the random stupid shit that goes on. Since I don't have to worry about mixing audiences (since there isn't one) I'm not going to bother with starting a new blog. If by some chance you've come here for one thing and find the other that day then I don't care. Please keep in mind that it's 3 am here so the syntax and grammar might suck but if you're reading this so does your credit. And sister. At this point I'm just typing what I think of and the editing/ correcting can be done later. By your mother. I have not proofread this and I don't plan on it until I come back and splice all this type of shit together into one big story.

Shit. I don't know how to delete this damn thing.

Boobs.

In two weeks or so I will officially be old. Someone please have sex with me (women 19-34 only, please submit recent, full-body pictures)

At least part of the title is true; in about two weeks I turn 30 and I have to say I'm not that worried about it. Nothing will really change in my so it seems like it will just be another excuse to have a few drinks and not hook up with really hot chicks. We'll see how it goes.
From here on out I'm going to try and keep track of funny shit that happens. Part of the problem with wanting to do so in the past has revolved around my not wanting to mention other people's names here, just in case someone besides me or Lori actually happens to read it. Fortunately a simple solution has recently come to mind and I'm sad to say it took me this long to think of it (though honestly thought and this page are typically incompatible with one another): I will write down everyone's name and then create a pseudonym for him or her.
As I am currently at my asshat job doing 'work' I have to get back at it, lest I be fired and forced to look for a real career with future.

I accidentally hit enter while typing a title in the box and it posted so I'm starting over.

PS The answer was your mother.
Anyway it's been a while since I posted and a decent amount of shit has happened.
I bought a new car a few months ago and have been slowly getting it more and more road worthy/ driver friendly. Don't get me wrong, it always ran and drove well enough but considering it's almost 40 there were of course things that needed to be done. There is plenty about that on facebook.
Work sucks, but then that is nothing new. What super sucks is that I'm not eligible for tuition reimbursement (which I would use to take classes so I can hopefully get a real career) since I'm on the verge of being fired. I also cannot transfer to a more school-schedule friendly unit for the same reason. Lame. To be fair the job isn't too bad and the people are great, it just gets in the way of almost everything else I want to do. Plus I don't enjoy it, and I've always heard you should do what you love, though exactly what that would be continues to elude me.
I was hoping to get my Spanish and Business on and shit so as to make my ass marketable as fuck in a couple years, but looks like it may have to wait. I can still work on it at home I suppose. Learning Chinese might be the way to go, but that seems hard to do out of a book. Then again I do have plenty of free time... Gotta find a travel job that pays well.
I'm already getting bored writing. Tomorrow's goal is to try and find some sort of purpose or sense of direction for this page. If the plan is to use it like a diary to write now and read when I get old and need to look back on the emptiness of my life then I should update more often so I can better remember what actually happened. If I am going to try and present usable information then I should start being more professional (and probably just start a new blog). We will see.

Q: What has two legs and totally sucks ass?

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one. Though losing my camera is.

I have had the worst gas all day today and it has been hilarious. More on that later.
Lately I've found myself presented with a situation that I'm not sure has any possible acceptable resolution, and there are currently two main options. Without getting into specifics, the first would be better in the short run, but the possibility of a pleasant long-term outcome is almost nil. The second option would suck in the short term and if it didn't quickly backfire would likely be the most beneficial yet least satisfying long-term maneuver. I guess what I saying is both choices probably suck, it's just a matter of when and how much. The second choice would also be hard to implement all things considered and could be pretty awkward, and it's more than likely the first choice would ultimately have the same outcome as the second. Not sure if that makes sense to you but it did to me.
On a not totally unrelated note I realized today that I am about 6 months away from turning 30, and I have no desire to be single when I do so. I'm not going to just start dating some random girl, but I think it's good to have a goal. The plan is to keep running and stuff and hopefully be in as good of shape at 30 as I was at 22 or 23, and I think that is pretty realistic and might help my cause. If (when) that fails I've decided that if I'm going to be single I at least hope to avoid being that old fat single guy, though the creases in my forehead and lines around my eyes combined with going out too often certainly don't help any. If I can't make any progress on the relationship front by that time I'm seriously considering moving somewhere else, maybe Chicago or something, to get a fresh perspective, and just for a bit of a scenery change. I don't expect it to be a miracle cure, but I'm not getting anywhere here and sometimes change is good. I guess we'll see in six months.
I'll pause here to take a shower.
Okay. So it's official, my camera is lost. Or more precisely, if it is still here then it's whereabouts escape me. The bright side of this is I now have an excuse to get a new one, and who doesn't like getting a new camera? Nobody, that's who. It's getting late and I'm hungry. Time to hit melrose for trivia.

This is not the greatest blog in the world. This is a tribute.

I think I have some sort of disease where whenever the weather sucks then I do as well, productivity-wise that is. When I rolled out of bed I was determined to make the most of the day and get some stuff done. I didn't. I watched Heroes season 2, went to the Y for an hour or so, hit Kroger and then came back and watched some tv online. I had meant to study some Spanish in preparation for a trip to Central America sometime this spring, but I never got around to it. A couple people have said they want to go to Costa Rica and I could certainly stand to go back there for a while, but I suspect that when it comes down to it they will bail on the whole deal. It could be a pretty cheap trip so hopefully it will work out.
Now I'm sitting at home alone drinking and wishing I were out doing something. It's not so much that I feel like I need to go out, it's that I know nothing is going to happen or change if I sit around here all weekend being boring. Who knows what I'm missing or who I'm not talking to and all that. Sure, most nights I go out and nothing happens anyway, but there is always a chance and I owe myself that much. As I get older it seems more and more people get married or in serious relationships and spend less and less time going out doing dumb shit, so I need to make the most of my few remaining years of drinking friends.
On another note I think I might get up early and go do the Percy Warner 5k tomorrow morning. It starts at 8 am or so which is pretty early but I would like to do it just to compare it to my time last year. Plus they give out cool shirts. Not sure if that'll happen though. But maybe.
Lately I've been thinking about handedness and how dependent I am on my right hand for doing almost everything a hand could do; my left is almost worthless (curiously there is one thing my left is good for and that is rubbing shampoo/ conditioner into my hair. I tried with my right and it is borderline impossible. Yeah.). To try and counter this I have started using my left hand more often, but it is awkward at best and futile at worst. I hope someday to become more or less ambidextrous and be able to write, masturbate and throw with equal skill on each side. A boy can dream.
For some reason I've been feeling pretty stressed out lately, and I've never really been one to get that way. I think trying to get back on the night schedule at work and the general uncertainty about what I want/ plan to do might have something to do with it. But whatever, that is what EtOH is for.
Well, I'm going to go try and read something though I suspect I'll just end up watching more tv online. Non sequitur. Songnan is heading back to Shanghai to live in a few months. While on the one hand that sort of sucks, on the other hand (the left? hmm) it's cool because I will soon have a free place to stay in Shanghai and free food while I'm there (his parents own a few restaurants). So the plan is to hit China this summer and see what that shit is all about. Probably pick up some Chinese women. Well, okay, probably not. F you.

I know where the hippies go

I spent most of today being a complete piece of shit; watching tv shows online, dicking around on facebook wishing I had friends and then going to the Y. After all that shit wrapped up I ate a grilled chicken sandwich and some cheese/broccoli rice followed by a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I spent the next hour shitting my brains out and wishing I had just gone to Kroger for a salad. Once my stools became solid I went to Melrose to meet Strunk and some kids to knock a couple beers of my list and then we all went to the Basement to check out some music. The first guy kind of sucked but the main band was pretty good, in that filthy Springstein meets Bon Jovi meets crushing poverty meets hygiene by the wayside kind of way. Not bad though overall. The thing that kills me is that everyone there was dirty-looking, wearing ratty clothes and flannel jackets and old boots and shit like that. What part of liking music means you have to dress and act like jobless homeless trash? It's almost like there is a competition to be the most 'authentic' stereotypical dirty hippie. Clean up, get a job, and shave you stinky bastards. Actually, that was an incredibly unfair and hasty generalization and I like most people as individuals, I just don't understand the universal homogeneity that exists amongst the music wannabe crowd.
After that it was back to Melrose to polish off a few more beers and get owned by some random chicks at the basketball game in the back. I absolutely suck at that shit but it is fun as hell. Speaking of fun, I have been wanting for weeks to go play laser tag downtown, but nobody will go with me. What could be cooler than getting trashed and running around in the dark? If you know please tell me. It's late and I'm going to bed. Alone. Damn it.

Wearing nice clothes does not make people like you, but wearing doo doo undies will probably make them hate you.

I finally remembered my password so I can post here again; for a while I couldn't get logged in and had to post an entry on myspace. It was even less interesting than usual so if you didn't see it then congratulations, you just saved 5 minutes of your life.
Not much has happened in the last few weeks so this will be a brief recap of almost nothing. Valentine's day came and went as it always does, except this year I think I actually talked to a girl at a bar for a few minutes, though of course it ended up going nowhere. In my mind I'd like to think that she turned out to be a fatty. At this rate I should be on schedule to get someone to sit through the first 15 minutes of dinner next year, and by 2013 an entire date might be possible.
Apparently there is some other guy in Nashville that looks like me and he seems to know at least a few women, so maybe I'll pretend I'm him next year and see what happens. The added benefit of this approach would be that she'll go looking for him instead of me when she feels sick the next morning. Surprise bitch!


As corny as it sounds I did meet some girl the other day who is trying to set up a speed dating thing next month at Mercy Lounge and I think it could be worth a shot. The idea is that it won't just be an open event for anyone, it will be a referral-only type deal, a friend of a friend sort of thing, that way everyone there can be vouched for in some way. Hopefully it will keep the douche factor down. Then again it could suck ass, but I've never done anything like it before so if nothing else it will be something to get me out of the house. Also, I have nothing to lose.
On another more productive note, I have found a short-term reason to get up every day: a reasonable beer list. There is a bar on Franklin that pretty much everyone lives behind or within a few minutes of that has around 80 or so beers on the menu, and if you drink them all you get your name on a plaque or something like that. I think am down to the last dozen or so, and after tonight I should be in position to finish it off next weekend. To the best of my knowledge nobody else has done it yet so it would be cool to be the first. Not sure why. One aspect of the whole thing that sucks though is that they are technically supposed to limit you to 3 beers off your list per visit, and while I've only been cut off once or twice the whole concept of 3/ night is pretty lame. There were a few days where I got 7 or 8 though so I guess it works out. Drinking rules here are stupid. In New Zealand to get your name on the wall (which I had to do since there wasn't yet anyone from the States up there) you had to drink 11 pints in one night, which is far more fun.
Some other random shit has happened, but I'm tired of typing. I've started looking for a house, training for a few half marathons, and working out and trying to eat better so as to get ready for the beach next month. We'll see how that goes but I'm not expecting much. It's kind of hard to train for stuff with the beer list still hanging over my head, but I have to say I've surprised myself lately by being able to get trashed one day and then have decent days at the y the next. Maybe getting old isn't going to be that bad after all. Good thing I'm not a woman or getting close to 30 and being in my situation would suck. I think almost every chick flick is based on that very principle.

Cold weather is only slightly more appealing than your fat mother. And I hate cold weather.

Holy shit it's cold here. Being cold is like being a fat worthless shit; there simply is no good reason for it (chronic disease states aside). I just got in from a Thursday of barhopping all over town, and I do mean all over. Melrose, Joe's Place, Crow's Nest, Greeh House, Red Door 1 & 2, 3 Crow Bar, and some other place. Talk about a big night. Ross and I pretty much owned Nashville but ultimeately found little of interest despite our citywide search for entertainment. Each place we went had fewer girls than the last which was weak considering our first stop was pretty much a dead zone. Not that it really matters since chicks I like seem to hate me and I never meet girls anyway. They say god has a plan for everyone but I have to wonder: I'm almost 30, what the hell? Then again it 's great not having to think about anyone else's feelings when I go out, and being selfish is pretty cool. If there is one thing I've learned in life it's that you should always do whatever you want all the time without regard for the effects your actions might have on others.
Shit. I had this story about last weekend to write but I think I'm about to pass out so I'll do it later. I already put pics of it on facebook anyway. Lori, since you are the only person who reads this anyway I apologize for the shitty blog but I'm really drunk and really tired. I'll post again later.
Enclosed is a picture of my Arizona vacation.

Holy shit it's January up in this bitch.

Well it's been a while since my last blog post and I'm sure both people who used to read this garbage will be thrilled to see things hopefully getting back on track. They must have very sad lives.
So a brief recap of the last few months: I spent most of November in Thailand and Hong Kong, with two super-brief and Indian buffetless stops in Tokyo, a really really long day of freezing balls in Seoul and a night in Chicago thrown in just for good measure. Thailand was for the most part fucking nuts, with tons of stuff to do (weather permitting) and a crazy full moon party on an island for those with a penchant for shirtless beach drinking until sunup before falling asleep on the boat back home. In hindsight I should have gotten my teef whitened. Maybe next time. Hong Kong is also cool but the air is shit and the drinks get pricey quickly. Tokyo was more or less the same as it's always been but the fact that Eureka's Castle or whatever the Indian place was called has closed means I probably won't be going back this year, except as a stopover or something. Sorry Rori, but Tokyo is dead to me. At least until I decide to buy a $2,000 kitten. I already covered more about the trip than the average person would probably care to read in my facebook photos so see them for more should you want it.

December was spent doing very little that would be of interest to anyone. I lost my tan, quit working out so much and started getting fat. The winter cold really pisses me off and I typically end up loafing around the house or (on a good day) riding my bike on the trainer until I decide it sucks (5-10 min on average) then eating something bad for me.

Now that it is January I have started the new year with a new job and a new short-term reason for living. I recently decided that despite the fact that a week ago I couldn't get through a mile without stopping to gasp for air I need to run in the Music City half marathon this April. I did manage 5.5ish miles today, but it was split into two short runs.

Here is a pic of my shoes, which like your mom are starting to look kind of worn out and sorry. Also not unlike your mother, they are soon to be discarded in favor of a new pair that should be here shortly. Why did I post this picture? Why did I even take this picture? I don't know.

In other news I've been without a tv in my bedroom for almost two weeks. For a while I had quite a tv sales racket going; I was buying tvs and then just selling them to people on Craigslist for a profit. Surprisingly easy and effective way to make decent amounts of money, but it worked too well this time, as one guy ended up buying the set off my wall as well. Everything is for sale I say. Anyway, this is what I'm left with:
I don't watch a ton of tv but when I'm falling asleep it's nice to hear the voices of women on tv instead of being forced to listen to the sounds of solitude coming from the other side of the bed. Sometimes I think I can hear the ocean coming from the hollow area under my blanket over there. Sigh. At least I can rip huge farts without worrying about it.
Moving on, check out that sweet modded 360. Ballin. The new tv should be here by this weekend and it will be out of control. I went way, way overboard size-wise and will post a pic when it gets here. Completely over the top but watching movies will be cool as shit. At least if I ever do manage to get a girl over here it will be easy to ignore her the next morning with the new set.
Boredom is starting to set in. I've said this before but this time I think I mean it: More frequent smaller updates will be the way to go from here on out. Things are probably funnier if and when I can remember the good parts. I also need to go back and edit out some commas as I use way too many. Most of this is thrown up as a bunch of disjointed crap before I can forget what I want to write then I don't really go through and clean it up. Oh well.