If hope floats, my cell phone must be forged of despair

I'll preface this by saying that for the last two years I have been using the same cell phone, a Treo 700p (for those who give a shit), in the hopes of replacing it whenever a new model with GPS comes out. Finally, after a wait and a half, the new one comes out on Sunday, a few days from now.
Anyway, two days ago as I was walking across the pool I dropped my phone in. I made it all the way from the deeps to the shallows without incident, but when I went to lay it down it slipped, bouncing off the ridge of the pool and into the water. Fuck that shit. In the A. Getting pissed really wasn't an option at that point, so I put it in the sun to dry out while I continued to drink whiskey and orange crush. Why whiskey and orange crush? Your mom, that's why. The phone must have been having some nice dreams, because that bastard stayed wet for hours. Shitty.
Also shitty, the phone had everything in it I need to survive if not thrive, things like phone numbers of hot girls, passwords, user names, account numbers, my work schedule, confirmation numbers, etc, etc. You get the idea I think, tons of important shit that I of course had never written down anywhere. Making matters worse, I hadn't synced it to the desktop in ages because the USB adapter was shit, so little if any useful data was ever moved to my computer. I'm fairly certain I had copied my contact info to my SD card, but the new phone will take micro sd and my USB card reader went the way of my self-respect and hasn't been seen or used in months. Balls. Now I have to start from scratch, which is a total busch league play and complete crock of shit. Ass.
As time passed that day and I became more and more intoxicated, necessity forced me to give up on the old phone coming back to life and sent me off to snag a new one. Luckily, the store was dead and it only took about 30 minutes from leave time to return time to get everything taken care of, so the damage to sunny pool action pooly sun drink time was minimal. On Sunday, I'll just return this one and get the one I really want.
That being said, I'm going to go eat a sandwich and watch tv.