In two weeks or so I will officially be old. Someone please have sex with me (women 19-34 only, please submit recent, full-body pictures)

At least part of the title is true; in about two weeks I turn 30 and I have to say I'm not that worried about it. Nothing will really change in my so it seems like it will just be another excuse to have a few drinks and not hook up with really hot chicks. We'll see how it goes.
From here on out I'm going to try and keep track of funny shit that happens. Part of the problem with wanting to do so in the past has revolved around my not wanting to mention other people's names here, just in case someone besides me or Lori actually happens to read it. Fortunately a simple solution has recently come to mind and I'm sad to say it took me this long to think of it (though honestly thought and this page are typically incompatible with one another): I will write down everyone's name and then create a pseudonym for him or her.
As I am currently at my asshat job doing 'work' I have to get back at it, lest I be fired and forced to look for a real career with future.

I accidentally hit enter while typing a title in the box and it posted so I'm starting over.

PS The answer was your mother.
Anyway it's been a while since I posted and a decent amount of shit has happened.
I bought a new car a few months ago and have been slowly getting it more and more road worthy/ driver friendly. Don't get me wrong, it always ran and drove well enough but considering it's almost 40 there were of course things that needed to be done. There is plenty about that on facebook.
Work sucks, but then that is nothing new. What super sucks is that I'm not eligible for tuition reimbursement (which I would use to take classes so I can hopefully get a real career) since I'm on the verge of being fired. I also cannot transfer to a more school-schedule friendly unit for the same reason. Lame. To be fair the job isn't too bad and the people are great, it just gets in the way of almost everything else I want to do. Plus I don't enjoy it, and I've always heard you should do what you love, though exactly what that would be continues to elude me.
I was hoping to get my Spanish and Business on and shit so as to make my ass marketable as fuck in a couple years, but looks like it may have to wait. I can still work on it at home I suppose. Learning Chinese might be the way to go, but that seems hard to do out of a book. Then again I do have plenty of free time... Gotta find a travel job that pays well.
I'm already getting bored writing. Tomorrow's goal is to try and find some sort of purpose or sense of direction for this page. If the plan is to use it like a diary to write now and read when I get old and need to look back on the emptiness of my life then I should update more often so I can better remember what actually happened. If I am going to try and present usable information then I should start being more professional (and probably just start a new blog). We will see.

Q: What has two legs and totally sucks ass?

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one. Though losing my camera is.

I have had the worst gas all day today and it has been hilarious. More on that later.
Lately I've found myself presented with a situation that I'm not sure has any possible acceptable resolution, and there are currently two main options. Without getting into specifics, the first would be better in the short run, but the possibility of a pleasant long-term outcome is almost nil. The second option would suck in the short term and if it didn't quickly backfire would likely be the most beneficial yet least satisfying long-term maneuver. I guess what I saying is both choices probably suck, it's just a matter of when and how much. The second choice would also be hard to implement all things considered and could be pretty awkward, and it's more than likely the first choice would ultimately have the same outcome as the second. Not sure if that makes sense to you but it did to me.
On a not totally unrelated note I realized today that I am about 6 months away from turning 30, and I have no desire to be single when I do so. I'm not going to just start dating some random girl, but I think it's good to have a goal. The plan is to keep running and stuff and hopefully be in as good of shape at 30 as I was at 22 or 23, and I think that is pretty realistic and might help my cause. If (when) that fails I've decided that if I'm going to be single I at least hope to avoid being that old fat single guy, though the creases in my forehead and lines around my eyes combined with going out too often certainly don't help any. If I can't make any progress on the relationship front by that time I'm seriously considering moving somewhere else, maybe Chicago or something, to get a fresh perspective, and just for a bit of a scenery change. I don't expect it to be a miracle cure, but I'm not getting anywhere here and sometimes change is good. I guess we'll see in six months.
I'll pause here to take a shower.
Okay. So it's official, my camera is lost. Or more precisely, if it is still here then it's whereabouts escape me. The bright side of this is I now have an excuse to get a new one, and who doesn't like getting a new camera? Nobody, that's who. It's getting late and I'm hungry. Time to hit melrose for trivia.

This is not the greatest blog in the world. This is a tribute.

I think I have some sort of disease where whenever the weather sucks then I do as well, productivity-wise that is. When I rolled out of bed I was determined to make the most of the day and get some stuff done. I didn't. I watched Heroes season 2, went to the Y for an hour or so, hit Kroger and then came back and watched some tv online. I had meant to study some Spanish in preparation for a trip to Central America sometime this spring, but I never got around to it. A couple people have said they want to go to Costa Rica and I could certainly stand to go back there for a while, but I suspect that when it comes down to it they will bail on the whole deal. It could be a pretty cheap trip so hopefully it will work out.
Now I'm sitting at home alone drinking and wishing I were out doing something. It's not so much that I feel like I need to go out, it's that I know nothing is going to happen or change if I sit around here all weekend being boring. Who knows what I'm missing or who I'm not talking to and all that. Sure, most nights I go out and nothing happens anyway, but there is always a chance and I owe myself that much. As I get older it seems more and more people get married or in serious relationships and spend less and less time going out doing dumb shit, so I need to make the most of my few remaining years of drinking friends.
On another note I think I might get up early and go do the Percy Warner 5k tomorrow morning. It starts at 8 am or so which is pretty early but I would like to do it just to compare it to my time last year. Plus they give out cool shirts. Not sure if that'll happen though. But maybe.
Lately I've been thinking about handedness and how dependent I am on my right hand for doing almost everything a hand could do; my left is almost worthless (curiously there is one thing my left is good for and that is rubbing shampoo/ conditioner into my hair. I tried with my right and it is borderline impossible. Yeah.). To try and counter this I have started using my left hand more often, but it is awkward at best and futile at worst. I hope someday to become more or less ambidextrous and be able to write, masturbate and throw with equal skill on each side. A boy can dream.
For some reason I've been feeling pretty stressed out lately, and I've never really been one to get that way. I think trying to get back on the night schedule at work and the general uncertainty about what I want/ plan to do might have something to do with it. But whatever, that is what EtOH is for.
Well, I'm going to go try and read something though I suspect I'll just end up watching more tv online. Non sequitur. Songnan is heading back to Shanghai to live in a few months. While on the one hand that sort of sucks, on the other hand (the left? hmm) it's cool because I will soon have a free place to stay in Shanghai and free food while I'm there (his parents own a few restaurants). So the plan is to hit China this summer and see what that shit is all about. Probably pick up some Chinese women. Well, okay, probably not. F you.

I know where the hippies go

I spent most of today being a complete piece of shit; watching tv shows online, dicking around on facebook wishing I had friends and then going to the Y. After all that shit wrapped up I ate a grilled chicken sandwich and some cheese/broccoli rice followed by a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I spent the next hour shitting my brains out and wishing I had just gone to Kroger for a salad. Once my stools became solid I went to Melrose to meet Strunk and some kids to knock a couple beers of my list and then we all went to the Basement to check out some music. The first guy kind of sucked but the main band was pretty good, in that filthy Springstein meets Bon Jovi meets crushing poverty meets hygiene by the wayside kind of way. Not bad though overall. The thing that kills me is that everyone there was dirty-looking, wearing ratty clothes and flannel jackets and old boots and shit like that. What part of liking music means you have to dress and act like jobless homeless trash? It's almost like there is a competition to be the most 'authentic' stereotypical dirty hippie. Clean up, get a job, and shave you stinky bastards. Actually, that was an incredibly unfair and hasty generalization and I like most people as individuals, I just don't understand the universal homogeneity that exists amongst the music wannabe crowd.
After that it was back to Melrose to polish off a few more beers and get owned by some random chicks at the basketball game in the back. I absolutely suck at that shit but it is fun as hell. Speaking of fun, I have been wanting for weeks to go play laser tag downtown, but nobody will go with me. What could be cooler than getting trashed and running around in the dark? If you know please tell me. It's late and I'm going to bed. Alone. Damn it.

Wearing nice clothes does not make people like you, but wearing doo doo undies will probably make them hate you.

I finally remembered my password so I can post here again; for a while I couldn't get logged in and had to post an entry on myspace. It was even less interesting than usual so if you didn't see it then congratulations, you just saved 5 minutes of your life.
Not much has happened in the last few weeks so this will be a brief recap of almost nothing. Valentine's day came and went as it always does, except this year I think I actually talked to a girl at a bar for a few minutes, though of course it ended up going nowhere. In my mind I'd like to think that she turned out to be a fatty. At this rate I should be on schedule to get someone to sit through the first 15 minutes of dinner next year, and by 2013 an entire date might be possible.
Apparently there is some other guy in Nashville that looks like me and he seems to know at least a few women, so maybe I'll pretend I'm him next year and see what happens. The added benefit of this approach would be that she'll go looking for him instead of me when she feels sick the next morning. Surprise bitch!


As corny as it sounds I did meet some girl the other day who is trying to set up a speed dating thing next month at Mercy Lounge and I think it could be worth a shot. The idea is that it won't just be an open event for anyone, it will be a referral-only type deal, a friend of a friend sort of thing, that way everyone there can be vouched for in some way. Hopefully it will keep the douche factor down. Then again it could suck ass, but I've never done anything like it before so if nothing else it will be something to get me out of the house. Also, I have nothing to lose.
On another more productive note, I have found a short-term reason to get up every day: a reasonable beer list. There is a bar on Franklin that pretty much everyone lives behind or within a few minutes of that has around 80 or so beers on the menu, and if you drink them all you get your name on a plaque or something like that. I think am down to the last dozen or so, and after tonight I should be in position to finish it off next weekend. To the best of my knowledge nobody else has done it yet so it would be cool to be the first. Not sure why. One aspect of the whole thing that sucks though is that they are technically supposed to limit you to 3 beers off your list per visit, and while I've only been cut off once or twice the whole concept of 3/ night is pretty lame. There were a few days where I got 7 or 8 though so I guess it works out. Drinking rules here are stupid. In New Zealand to get your name on the wall (which I had to do since there wasn't yet anyone from the States up there) you had to drink 11 pints in one night, which is far more fun.
Some other random shit has happened, but I'm tired of typing. I've started looking for a house, training for a few half marathons, and working out and trying to eat better so as to get ready for the beach next month. We'll see how that goes but I'm not expecting much. It's kind of hard to train for stuff with the beer list still hanging over my head, but I have to say I've surprised myself lately by being able to get trashed one day and then have decent days at the y the next. Maybe getting old isn't going to be that bad after all. Good thing I'm not a woman or getting close to 30 and being in my situation would suck. I think almost every chick flick is based on that very principle.