Wearing nice clothes does not make people like you, but wearing doo doo undies will probably make them hate you.

I finally remembered my password so I can post here again; for a while I couldn't get logged in and had to post an entry on myspace. It was even less interesting than usual so if you didn't see it then congratulations, you just saved 5 minutes of your life.
Not much has happened in the last few weeks so this will be a brief recap of almost nothing. Valentine's day came and went as it always does, except this year I think I actually talked to a girl at a bar for a few minutes, though of course it ended up going nowhere. In my mind I'd like to think that she turned out to be a fatty. At this rate I should be on schedule to get someone to sit through the first 15 minutes of dinner next year, and by 2013 an entire date might be possible.
Apparently there is some other guy in Nashville that looks like me and he seems to know at least a few women, so maybe I'll pretend I'm him next year and see what happens. The added benefit of this approach would be that she'll go looking for him instead of me when she feels sick the next morning. Surprise bitch!


As corny as it sounds I did meet some girl the other day who is trying to set up a speed dating thing next month at Mercy Lounge and I think it could be worth a shot. The idea is that it won't just be an open event for anyone, it will be a referral-only type deal, a friend of a friend sort of thing, that way everyone there can be vouched for in some way. Hopefully it will keep the douche factor down. Then again it could suck ass, but I've never done anything like it before so if nothing else it will be something to get me out of the house. Also, I have nothing to lose.
On another more productive note, I have found a short-term reason to get up every day: a reasonable beer list. There is a bar on Franklin that pretty much everyone lives behind or within a few minutes of that has around 80 or so beers on the menu, and if you drink them all you get your name on a plaque or something like that. I think am down to the last dozen or so, and after tonight I should be in position to finish it off next weekend. To the best of my knowledge nobody else has done it yet so it would be cool to be the first. Not sure why. One aspect of the whole thing that sucks though is that they are technically supposed to limit you to 3 beers off your list per visit, and while I've only been cut off once or twice the whole concept of 3/ night is pretty lame. There were a few days where I got 7 or 8 though so I guess it works out. Drinking rules here are stupid. In New Zealand to get your name on the wall (which I had to do since there wasn't yet anyone from the States up there) you had to drink 11 pints in one night, which is far more fun.
Some other random shit has happened, but I'm tired of typing. I've started looking for a house, training for a few half marathons, and working out and trying to eat better so as to get ready for the beach next month. We'll see how that goes but I'm not expecting much. It's kind of hard to train for stuff with the beer list still hanging over my head, but I have to say I've surprised myself lately by being able to get trashed one day and then have decent days at the y the next. Maybe getting old isn't going to be that bad after all. Good thing I'm not a woman or getting close to 30 and being in my situation would suck. I think almost every chick flick is based on that very principle.

Cold weather is only slightly more appealing than your fat mother. And I hate cold weather.

Holy shit it's cold here. Being cold is like being a fat worthless shit; there simply is no good reason for it (chronic disease states aside). I just got in from a Thursday of barhopping all over town, and I do mean all over. Melrose, Joe's Place, Crow's Nest, Greeh House, Red Door 1 & 2, 3 Crow Bar, and some other place. Talk about a big night. Ross and I pretty much owned Nashville but ultimeately found little of interest despite our citywide search for entertainment. Each place we went had fewer girls than the last which was weak considering our first stop was pretty much a dead zone. Not that it really matters since chicks I like seem to hate me and I never meet girls anyway. They say god has a plan for everyone but I have to wonder: I'm almost 30, what the hell? Then again it 's great not having to think about anyone else's feelings when I go out, and being selfish is pretty cool. If there is one thing I've learned in life it's that you should always do whatever you want all the time without regard for the effects your actions might have on others.
Shit. I had this story about last weekend to write but I think I'm about to pass out so I'll do it later. I already put pics of it on facebook anyway. Lori, since you are the only person who reads this anyway I apologize for the shitty blog but I'm really drunk and really tired. I'll post again later.
Enclosed is a picture of my Arizona vacation.

Holy shit it's January up in this bitch.

Well it's been a while since my last blog post and I'm sure both people who used to read this garbage will be thrilled to see things hopefully getting back on track. They must have very sad lives.
So a brief recap of the last few months: I spent most of November in Thailand and Hong Kong, with two super-brief and Indian buffetless stops in Tokyo, a really really long day of freezing balls in Seoul and a night in Chicago thrown in just for good measure. Thailand was for the most part fucking nuts, with tons of stuff to do (weather permitting) and a crazy full moon party on an island for those with a penchant for shirtless beach drinking until sunup before falling asleep on the boat back home. In hindsight I should have gotten my teef whitened. Maybe next time. Hong Kong is also cool but the air is shit and the drinks get pricey quickly. Tokyo was more or less the same as it's always been but the fact that Eureka's Castle or whatever the Indian place was called has closed means I probably won't be going back this year, except as a stopover or something. Sorry Rori, but Tokyo is dead to me. At least until I decide to buy a $2,000 kitten. I already covered more about the trip than the average person would probably care to read in my facebook photos so see them for more should you want it.

December was spent doing very little that would be of interest to anyone. I lost my tan, quit working out so much and started getting fat. The winter cold really pisses me off and I typically end up loafing around the house or (on a good day) riding my bike on the trainer until I decide it sucks (5-10 min on average) then eating something bad for me.

Now that it is January I have started the new year with a new job and a new short-term reason for living. I recently decided that despite the fact that a week ago I couldn't get through a mile without stopping to gasp for air I need to run in the Music City half marathon this April. I did manage 5.5ish miles today, but it was split into two short runs.

Here is a pic of my shoes, which like your mom are starting to look kind of worn out and sorry. Also not unlike your mother, they are soon to be discarded in favor of a new pair that should be here shortly. Why did I post this picture? Why did I even take this picture? I don't know.

In other news I've been without a tv in my bedroom for almost two weeks. For a while I had quite a tv sales racket going; I was buying tvs and then just selling them to people on Craigslist for a profit. Surprisingly easy and effective way to make decent amounts of money, but it worked too well this time, as one guy ended up buying the set off my wall as well. Everything is for sale I say. Anyway, this is what I'm left with:
I don't watch a ton of tv but when I'm falling asleep it's nice to hear the voices of women on tv instead of being forced to listen to the sounds of solitude coming from the other side of the bed. Sometimes I think I can hear the ocean coming from the hollow area under my blanket over there. Sigh. At least I can rip huge farts without worrying about it.
Moving on, check out that sweet modded 360. Ballin. The new tv should be here by this weekend and it will be out of control. I went way, way overboard size-wise and will post a pic when it gets here. Completely over the top but watching movies will be cool as shit. At least if I ever do manage to get a girl over here it will be easy to ignore her the next morning with the new set.
Boredom is starting to set in. I've said this before but this time I think I mean it: More frequent smaller updates will be the way to go from here on out. Things are probably funnier if and when I can remember the good parts. I also need to go back and edit out some commas as I use way too many. Most of this is thrown up as a bunch of disjointed crap before I can forget what I want to write then I don't really go through and clean it up. Oh well.

Stylin and profilin; bitch just hurry up an cut my hair. Also, camera time muthafucker.

In more or less a week's time from now I will be taking my happy ass down to the airport and hopping on a plane to Tokyo; from there I will go further West into the deepest realms of the most touristy parts of SE Asia. I have been spending most of my waking hours stuck in that stupid hospital wasting away in preparation for the trip and I have to say I'm looking forward to it. I'm going to try and use this space to document some if not all of the awesome things that I will be doing that you are not, so that one day when you are less of a loser you can try and emulate me. I also plan to throw in some pictures and whatnot if possible, as I just got a new camera and am dying to figure out how to use it. Here are some pics I took just a second ago of random shit in my apartment.



Considering I know nothing of cameras, the light sucked, and the lens I was using was manual-focus I think I did okay, and I hope that with practice I will learn what the buttons mean and how to properly compose an image. Until such a time comes to pass I will just stick with my old method of taking 4,000 pictures and hoping that 15 of them turn out well.
I'm going to bed.

I ain't got time bleed. Injury is the ultimate gateway drug.

So I haven't written anything here in a while, and there are several good reasons for that. 1. I'm lazy. 2. Spelling is hard. 3. Nothing awesome has happened lately, at least not that I have pictures of, and pictures are half the fun.

Anyway, I started Japanese classes a couple weeks ago to help kill some time and give me something to do when I don't feel like doing nothing. There are only 6 people or so in the class, and I don't think I have anything in common with any of them, and there are no girls, so it's not exactly an ideal situation, but the teacher is cool enough and it gets me out of the house. Maybe in the spring there will be some new blood. We've only had 2 classes so far and I can already tell it's going to be one of those 'you get out what you put in' type of deals. Shitty. Thank god for listen and learn programs I can carry around with me. Now when I go back to Tokyo in Nov I will be able to order a beer and ask where the shitter is without getting blank stares and chicks checking out my big American man with round eye pants bulge. Maybe.

In a few hours I'm leaving to spend the weekend in Chicago, which should be fun as long as the weather holds. I'm going to be tired as fuck since I worked all night tonight and can't sleep before my flight, but thems the breaks I guess. The flight I had found that would have let me sleep for a while jumped from $130ish to $400 in the 30 minutes I waited to finish the purchase, so I got stuck with some early-morning bullshit. Live and learn kids.

From now on I'm going to try and update more frequently, as I always think of funny stuff but then wait for weeks before trying to post it, and by then I have forgotten what it was. This should be enough for now.

If girls liked guys who rode bikes, then I'd like totally have three and a half chicks

After waiting for a month and a half for the bike I ordered to come in, then waiting a couple more weeks for all the right parts to come in, then wasting a couple days getting it together, I have finally completed my new ride. For those playing at home that's Campy Record all over that bitch, and yes I know the seatpost is shite. The downside is it's hot as shit outside, I've been up since 2am because drunk people kept calling me all night, and I'm really hungry but of course have no food. So I'm not even going to take if for a test drive. Maybe later.
Other than that not much has happened since the boat trip shit.
No longer working Saturday nights, I have been finding other things to do, and this most recent Sat I went somewhere I hadn't been in a long, long time; Sam's in the village. I have to say that this looks like the place to go during football games, as the amount of hot ass in there was pretty impressive to say the least. Even better, it's really loud in there and everyone is drunk, so even if I did talk to someone she wouldn't hear it and/ or wouldn't notice how pointless the conversation was. Score. After Sam's we went to Spanky's (hate the name) and Greenhouse, but by then I was trashed and things get splotchy. That seems to be a trend lately, and I'm not entirely convinced it's for the best, though I do feel obligated to make up for lost time. Getting out seems to be the thing to do, and I'm trying to go to new places and do new things, or at least spread myself out a bit more, throwing some red door, bar 23, brewhouse, and both corner pubs and some maf's into the mix more often. Since I consistently leave my card at brewhouse and Dawn works at CPmid, I have at least two reasons to head that way, and those are both decent places to start or end a night, assuming one can get a decent parking spot in which to leave his or her car. Probably going to go to a few football games and do more 5ks and shit too. Either that or I'll sit on my ass and watch 'rasslin on teh tele and whittle/ play the dulcimer; the end result will be the same.
I had something funny to write, but I can't think of a good way to preface the story and I'm getting tired. Thank some sort of god I don't work for a couple more days.

Super action wish lake party fun wish time spectacular. Or perhaps not. (?)

Well, this last month has been a big step forward for me, at least in terms of potential future coolness. For one thing, I started going out again, kind of, hitting a few bars on Mondays, Tuesdays, and the occasional Sunday, which is a huge change from my typical sit-at-home-being-a-fucking-tool routine. I also started riding again, got a new bike, got a haircut, and worked my last scheduled Saturday night for a while. Now I can get back to dating all those hot chicks that have been on hold. That part will probably not happen, but then again who knows.
For those of you who no longer (or never did) live in this country, this past weekend was labor day weekend, when everyone drinks all the time and is more or less unproductive for 72 hours. I got off work Sunday morning around 7 am, rode my bike for a bit then came home and took a nap. To make a long story short, I'll try and represent the following events with a flowchart of sorts. Try and keep up.
Nap-->No food since breakfast-->Broadway Brewhouse-->Almost instantly drunk-->Corner pub midtown to see Dawn--->Beer and a few Jaegerbombs-->I honestly don't know-->Bar 23-->Some people's apartment-->Asleep @ 7am-->Wake up @ 8am-->Home-->1100am until 1145am in bed-->Noon head to lake-->Beer up on the water until 5ish-->Home-->Big plans, little stamina (this applies to more than just my drinking plans I suspect)-->Pass out like bitch while getting ready to go watch game-->Wake up 5am Tuesday, realize car has been by Brewhouse for days-->Ride bike to vehicle-->Hate self-->Continue to live with regret-->Eat sandwich-->Sigh deeply-->The end.
And that is pretty much that. All in all a pretty good time, and it leads me to believe I need to start hitting up more bars more often, at least until I knock some chick or something like that. Saturday cannot come soon enough. The visor in the pic was only worn for a second to keep my face from getting more burnt. The shitty glasses have the California Raisins on them and were worn all day. In hindsight, taking an objective look at myself, it's pretty easy to see why things are the way they are. Sigh.