Beer Log

Since little else in life is worth posting about at the moment I have decided to use this space to record the new (or new to me) beers that I happen to come across. I toyed with the idea of writing it down on paper but that's just a bit too 2010 for my tastes. My alcohol consumption isn't out of control or anything so this will take some time fill up, but Trader Joes and Whole Foods both let you mix and match (so does Kroger late at night) so it's not as though I'll have to drink a million six packs.

It's important to note that I am not a beer expert, tasting snob or beer sommolier, just some guy (like your mom). Also, any suggestions for when to drink it or about what it might replace do not imply similarities to other beers, they are just things I think of when drinking the beer in question.

Anyway, first is Starr Hill "Lucy".
Color is nothing special, your typical cloudy straw color. Lots of head when you pour it and has a carbonationy aftertaste. Kind of a "bud light lime" taste going on, but not as pronounced. Sort of a lightly citrus beer. The label says it's brewed with ginger, "lime flavor" an coriander. I have no clue what coriander is.
This would be an easy substitute for a Corana w/ lime, or good with Mexican instead of Tecate. Would not be worth buying a six pack of, unless to share with others in one of the above situations.

Next is Xingu Black Beer. I can confirm that the name refers to the color of the beer, not it's intended consumers. According to the label it's from Brasil. Nifty.
Very little head, a slight licorice-like smell mixed with a day-old bottle of wine aroma from the bottle. Not Guiness like at all; it's rather thin and light tasting but too sweetsy-dark for my palette so I poured this bastard out. Will never drink this again.

Dropped off the earth

So I pretty much dropped off the earth it seems after starting that last post. Anyway, I found this online and wanted to save it somewhere and this seemed as good a place as any. It isn't really that cool it's just a random person's response to the most recent news about health care reform.

Let me get this straight . . . .

We're going to be "gifted" with a health care plan we are forced to purchase and fined if we don't,

Which purportedly covers at least thirty million more people, without adding a single new doctor, but provides for 16,000 new IRS agents,

written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understand it,

passed by a Congress that didn't read it but exempted themselves from it,

and signed by a President who smokes,

with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes,

for which we'll be taxed for four years before any benefits take effect,

by a government which has already bankrupted Social Security and Medicare,

all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese,

and financed by a country that's broke!!!!!

'What the hell could possibly go wrong?'

Lesson 2: Germans

The Germans are large, slow-witted and brutish race the lack of

Learning about other cultures is stupid and boring, but we're going to do it anyway. Lesson 1: US Citizens

This will be the first in a series of lessons about the many great and varied cultures of the world and what is wrong with or stupid about each of them. Everything will be presented as fact and none of what is written is in the least bit subjective. The purpose of my doing this is ultimately to save you time the next time you have a conversation about people or places; instead of having to think about things and draw your own conclusions you can just borrow mine and regurgitate them as you see fit, much like how most hard-core Republicans parrot Fox Newsisms and Liberal dirtbags do with whatever Obama tells them.

Lesson 1: The US
The US is a large country, predominantly white, that at one point decided that everyone should have the right to do and say whatever they want (which is great). Sadly, that noble basis upon which the country was founded has been twisted into something that has lead people to possess an unbelievable sense of entitlement that makes them think they can have whatever they want, make other people listen to whatever they say and and agree with whatever they do. There is no middle ground reflected in the media. Similarly, there is no longer a place for acceptance of personal responsibilities; everything is someone else's fault.
The people in the US are a largely overweight, monoligual and closed-minded religious lot that choose to believe what they are taught while growing up without regard for how much sense it makes or whether it may or may not be true or even reasonable. Your average American (yes, "American" refers solely to US Citizens) spends most of his or her day watching tv and eating or sitting on his or her ass at work waiting to get home and eat while watching American Idol (including the pre and post show shows).
Like their parents, most children are obese and wear sweatpants.
There are three main colors of Americans with a fourth that seems to be taking over the important roles: White, black, tanish and brownish. White and black people seem to be getting less motivated while the tanish and brownish people are taking their jobs. Hopefully this will eventually lead to more interbreeding of the colors, as mixed white and tan or brown chicks are typically hotter than the average 'pure' of either alone.
Americans as a whole like salt water taffy, turnips and syrupy beverages. Those living in large cities bathe frequently and for the most part refuse to walk even the shortest distances and look down on both public transport and those who use it. Every trip everywhere is made by car, unless you're poor or don't care if people think you're poor.
I will update this post as I learn more about the culture.

Thank God for vacation time (I'd thank Allah but I don't want to get homicide bombed and Joseph Smith is likely too busy with seer stones to care).

After the shittiest week ever I'm now 4 days away from ichiban super action trip fun time play. On Tuesday I head out to Frankfurt for a day or so of dicking around and hopefully making it to a castle or two before going to spend a day in Amsterdam walking around and not really doing much. I don't smoke but maybe I can find some decent beer or liquor to help me pass the time until my flight to London, which was and is the main destination. After London I go to Spain for 3 days where I will rent a car and drive down to see a friend from Belmont who happens to be living there doing something, teaching I think. If you search teh internetz for "Nick in Spain" you'll find his bloggage, which I think makes up 99.9% of the hits you'd get if you had typed in "Herrera del Duque" (where he lives).
Anyway, I used some Delta miles and a lot of planning time to put this together and unless those better-English-than-us Icelanders and their stupid volcanoes screw me over I'm expecting good things. It actually worked out cheaper in terms of both money and miles to add stops in Germany, the Netherlands and Spain and to fly in business and first class than to go directly to and from London while riding in economy. Being somewhat claustrophobic and also a fan of free drinks I'm not going to complain.
But that's enough looking to the future; now it's time to dwell on the past. So far this week I've had my wallet and camera stolen, locked my keys in my car 20 miles from home while replacing cards and such and missed my first two days of work this year due to being sick. Having just drank a large bottle of milk after three big mugs of green tea I think I may be sick again, but fortunately I'm on break at work and the toilets here can take a beating like the Atlantic Wall.
Back to work.

This is a placeholder for a picture I found.

Make it rain.

If there is one thing I can't stand, it's foreigners. And xenophobia.

So once again I've let this blog thing slide like, well, anything you try to stick to an Italian's face. It's been too long blogspot. Things they are a changin.
Not really. I think the last posts were pretty much nonsense and did little to chronicle the typical day-to-day of my awesomely ballin and flossed-out life so this one will be much more diary-esque. These will be the stories that I share with my grandchildren, and by that I mean I will show this to them so I don't actually have to talk to them. By that time I will probably not be on speaking terms with their parents anyway.
In January I got out of the SI (and based on what everyone still there says my timing was pretty good) and went to the OR. It's basically a low-level management job; I'm kind of the catch-all supervisor for various groups of people while their real bosses are at home asleep. It's ompletely different than what I was doing before but so far I like it. I could do without the 50-odd hour weeks, but then again it's cold here and I have nothing else to do anyway. At least I'll have solid vacation money should I ever find somewhere to go. Thinking about taking a few shortish-long weekend trips; maybe a few days in China, hit Tokyo or something, wha eva. Still have to use a ton of FF miles before inflation hits them again.
The car is a work in progress and it should be back from 2 months in the shop on Tuesday afternoon. What sucks is that all it really needed was about one days worth of solid work but it seemed to have been dragged (drug?) out a bit, but I figure it can be parked in their garage just as well as it can in any other. I need to get it back soon though so I can put the hood pins on and put the new seat covers, cushions and most importantly the new top on it.
I just polished off my 5th large glass of tea and a huge powerbar thing so I have to run.

Dominos Cinnastix are delicious. And free. Squat. Rip.

Everything I'm about to type is completely boring and pointless.
As someone incapable of cooking anything more complex than sloppy joes or peanut butter on toast it has been a rough few weeks for me food-wise. In a typical week I will go out to my mom's on Sunday and get loaded up with a dickload of good food that gets me though Wednesday or so, at which point I transition to ham sandwiches on one of several different kinds of artisan bread. Buying expensive bread is my way of making a sandwich into a meal, just to kick things up a notch. BAM! Muphucka. Sometimes I go so far as to buy a bag of Sunchips and some juice, but typically it's just a lame-sandwich. That pattern was recently broken when I took a new job a few weeks ago and had to move to working during the day.
Too tired to drive to mom's I was forced to comb the internet for foods that could be prepared by someone else and then brought to me while still hot (I tried to find some place that would actually send over a temporary house boy to feed me but have so far come up short). What I did find was a coupon for a $6 large pizza and some free Cinnastix. Jackpot. Not normally one to go overboard with sweets or greasy stuff in general, I find myself unable to not buy and eat cinnastix multiple times per week. They are too F ing delicious. I would eat them all day every day if I could.
What sucks about this is that the schedule change combined with this garbage cold weather has made me lazy as hell and I've put on 7 or 8 pounds, which is a lot for me. I will go to the gym today though, since it goes without saying that girls don't like fat guys and it's almost spring break time. For someone.
Also, my eyes are bloodshot as a mofo but I promise I haven't been sitting around blowing trees all day. I'm not a hippie, I just need a nap. Buy me this shirt for Christmas: http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://rlv.zcache.com/terrance_phillip_blood_rage_tshirt-p235640372742657902qw9y_400.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.zazzle.com/terrance_phillip_blood_rage_tshirt-235640372742657902&usg=__rX9IoAf1FCiQVgJNsGwyX1RjnhE=&h=400&w=400&sz=33&hl=en&start=2&um=1&tbnid=48GCAnrGL8E1xM:&tbnh=124&tbnw=124&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dterrance%2Band%2Bphillip%2Bblood%2Brage%26ndsp%3D21%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26sa%3DN%26um%3D1

A brief tale of my encounter with a pathetic soul. AKA God this guy is a loser.

So he comes over the other day, and while I initially simply refused to open the door lest he try to come in, I was hours later dismayed upon exiting to find that he had simply taken to sitting in the bushes around my porch. Whether this was to hide or just feel more comfortable in the dirt I don't know, but anyway.
The stench of moldy teeth on his breath he approached until I, pinned into a corner, could no longer back away from this ragged husk of a man. Then it spoke: "Hey, I know we joke around about me being garbage but I think I finally realize that it wasn't a joke. I am trash and you are all good looking and popular and stuff. How can I turn my pathetic waste of a life around? All I want is to get off the meager government subsidized food rations and out of the section 8 housing the feds give me. I just want a chance to not suck so fucking badly at life. And a shower. Help me."
Now I'm always up for a challenge so I figured what the hell. I'll call it charity work and write it off I thought. I told him to come back in two days, and lacking a car or even money for the bus he returned to the bushes until he saw the mail man come twice (which considering we spoke on Friday afternoon meant he sat three days, what a dipshit). Turns out his Hello Kitty watch is analog and he couldn't read it, and it's also broken so even if he could he would always think its 2:30.
Once he brushed himself off and I turned the hose on him we took some patio furniture (which I later helped him fashion into a makeshift airplane so he could 'fly' home) into the yard and I laid out my plan for his 'future' such as it is.
"So, I've spent a solid 5 minutes thinking about your situation which I think is more than adequate given that any change for you would be an improvement. So, let's get to it. We'll start with your employment status. It's garbage. I was thinking that perhaps we could transition you from your current duty as the guy who cleans the grease traps at Capt D's into a more upwardly mobile position that better utilizes your admittedly limited skill set. Sales seems like a good fit and as it so happens while at Kroger the other day I overheard the manager talking about hiring Spanish speakers to stock the shelves at 3 am. I immediately thought of you. After reviewing your 'qualifications' with the night clerk he decided that you were perhaps under-qualified for the position but he did offer up a spot cleaning out the grease traps, even suggesting they might pay you to do so. That sounded tempting but being who I am I threw him some money and he changed his mind. The job is yours. The $11.85 I used to bribe him was just some leftover shit I was going to throw into the sewer in front of some bums anyway, but to keep you honest it is going to come out of your first 18 paychecks. I'm not a charity after all.
"Now, about your appearance. You look like a sack full of mashed-up assholes. I'm thinking we can get you into something more modern and trendy like some Gant or Knights of the Round Table; is there still a Burlington Coat Factory around here? I think that might be going a bit upscale, but considering that on the rare occasion you actually wear a shirt you only have the bottom button closed it is a step in the right direction. For the last time, this is Nashville, not Staten Island, so leave that pursed-lip fake tan wifebeater spiked hair broseph guinea daego wop I-tie spic guido shit in the landfill where it belongs. And enough with the glow in the dark wolves howling shit already. Here, take these shirts and one of the suits I had custom made for me and just keep losing weight until they fit. You fat shit.
"Of course transportation is at present an issue for you and those like you but I think I have the answer: Stop carrying that mop with you everywhere or at least allow it to dry out completely before you try and get on the bus with it. I would think that should be obvious but clearly in your case I would be thinking incorrectly. You really are rubbish. Scoria. Waste. Shit. Man, your life sucks. Here, take this prepaid phone card in case you want to call the suicide hotline. It only has $400 on it though. Also, what happened to that 86 Fiesta I bought you? Surely you didn't sell it for coke. Are you still giving dudes cocaine in exchange for letting you fellate them? God. Like I told you after your 4th DUI I can't keep buying you vehicles every 6 months. Well, I can but you'll never learn if I do.
"But, back to the mission at hand. Doing in a matter of hours what you have somehow been unable to do during the whole of your shiftless life, I have secured you employment, cleaned you up, dressed you appropriately, given you access to mental health care and solved your motility problem. Please never come to my place of residence again or I will have to call your parole officer, and bear in mind there is a middle school less than 1,000 yards from here so it would be a double whammy for you.
After my presentation he just kind of sat there for a moment taking it all in. He looked around slack-jawed and a butterfly landed on his nose. I showed him how to read a map and helped him catch the bus to the soup kitchen, but rather than say thanks his last words as he drunkenly, unsteadily climbed the bus ramp were 'hey man, can I borrow a dollar?"
Trash through and through. Garbage.

Oy vey. Tomorrow my white ass heads out in search of adventure. Or not. I mean whatever, you know?

In about 10 hours or so my friend Russ and I will be getting on a jet plane (in coach with old peolpe, sweaty people and disgusting dirtbag children, yuck) and heading to Paris for the first stop on our 12-day trip to the wilds of Western Europe. Realizing that few people have ever been brave enough to venture into the untamed depths of France and England (our third stop), we are taking it upon ourselves to go forth and document the goings-on across the pond. We will probably be the first native English speakers to ever set foot in the UK, and as such we are prepared for some difficulties in communication. My plan is to speak ever louder while waving my hands in order to get my point across. In France I will be limited in that I will only have one free hand to wave, as the other will surely be locked in place pinching my nostrils shut, lest I gag on the tender Parisian aroma of sweat mixed with cigarettes that seems to saturate the air and permeate everything around.
I suppose I should take a step back and mention that the backwards countries of France and England will be the bookends to our primary destination: Iceland. Despite it's frigid name the weather is purported to be quite mild considering its location (Lat 65 N, Long 18 W), and at some point the savages inhabiting the island have been taught God's Christian United States English of Sacrament and Redemption as used in Churches of Christ, His one true tongue. Both of these things will make our time there more tolerable.
Anyway, I am taking a computer with me and plan to use this page as journal of sorts to keep track of all the awesome shit that I do that you people back home are not doing. I also have a rough outline of the credit card/ score stuff mostly done for anyone who might care, but it is going on the back burner for now. I'll leave you with a picture of some Alabama fans.

Holy balls.

The weather here has been pretty awesome lately, so awesome in fact that I haven't messed with this shit much. Once my laptop gets here I should be able to sit on the porch and write all day. I think I'm going to try and write a book, or at least see how much I can get done in one sitting. Anyway, until I can finish Greg's story between wankings enjoy the following pic I found somewhere online.

Friday night was not everything it could have been. But it was something, and sometimes that is better than nothing.

Friday got off to a late start. We didn't get Holy crap that chicken and those brownies I ate are about to explode out my ass. Gotta run... will finish lat

I didn't do anything worthwhile today. But I did find this picture of two morons so I don't feel too bad anymore.

Yeah, these guys truly suck balls in a way that is seldom seen in this day and age. Truly awe-inspiring. Stay in school.

Anyway, since nothing happened today I'll just write something that might actually be interesting to some people.

Reading bits and pieces of Rori's new blog about credit card stuff has inspired me to put to paper something I was telling P-Base (see, I'm starting the pseudonym game already, though in this case I'm not sure why) a few weeks ago. Lori's take is very Dave Ramseyish, and that is fine if it works and you are looking for the easiest way to just pay off some debt. My take on the matter is pretty much as anti-Dave as one can get, but you end up with a lot more in terms of return on time and money.
For those who don't know, Dave's plan is based on 'debt snowballs', paying bills from smallest to largest, and cutting up credit cards. It is very easy to figure out and stick with, and there is pretty much no risk involved. It is aimed at those who either don't know or don't really care how credit scoring works, and there is a huge amount of nonsense credit card scaremongering thrown in. But it works. With Dave's plan you pay interest on your debt, hurt your credit score, and live in some fantasy world free of liquidity where having $10k in the bank as an emergency fund will somehow solve all your problems.
The path I walk is very different and not for everybody and is admittedly more difficult given the economy these days. But, with some patience and time you can still save money, travel well for almost free and even make money by having huge amounts of credit card debt. All the while your creditworthiness will be going through the roof and you will be establishing a solid credit history (which should come in handy when trying to make some decent money once credit starts flowing again). The downside to this is that it's really easy to fuck up big time if you are a lazy shit and/ or just don't have time for it.
My plan is based around getting more credit cards shifting debt. If you don't have debt, get some, as it will become your friend. If you are old-fashioned and don't feel like leveraging one of your most valuable assets (your credit score) stop reading. If you are reckless and can't control yourself then you are already fucked. Now, to be fair, this isn't something I just came up with myself; it's based on what I've read over the years at Fatwallet finance forums (ignore most of the rest of the site) and countless other sites as well as what has worked for me. You'll notice I focus a great deal on Greg's credit score. This is what the whole fucking shebang is about. Get that right and everything else will just fall into place. Unless you're an asshole or something. I'll also try and throw in some bullet points somewhere along the way explicitly highlighting important stuff that may or may not be inferred by you, the hapless reader doucheass.
I've tried to explain this to people a couple times without much success, so if this doesn't make sense I will edit it and expand as necessary. I'll try a case-study approach. Let us take Greg DiPhallus and his $10k of debt as an example, calling him Greg or GDP for short. I just noticed that GDP is harder to type than Greg, so we're going with Greg. Moving on, Greg has just finished a few shitty years at a small private Christian college where he never got laid despite being hot as fuck and smart as shit, as well as incredibly humble. Up to this point in his life Greg has thought about his credit score about as much as hot bitches have thought about his bulge: Not too fucking much. Over the years he has signed up for various store cards to save 20% at Structure or get a free T-Shirt on the beach during spring break at PCB or some shit like that, and he also has a debit card, some other credit cards and a checking account. Most of his debt is spread across several low-limit cards that charge high interest rates (I think this seems like the most common scenario). Greg has a job that pays average wage for the area. I don't know, $50k or so? $60? $30? It probably won't matter anyway. But the fucker has a job and some income. And rent. Car payment? I don't think most people I know have them so I'll say no. But if we want to give him one we can work that in in another post. In fact, lets say he does have one and we'll get to it later.
Right. So Greg has $10k on 4 credit cards. What is he to do? Well, first and foremost he needs to check his credit score. Not the FAKO shit from freecreditreport.com or any other similar garbage. He needs to know his real FICO score. It is not free. Reports are free, scores are not. Let's put him at a shitty-but common 640 or so. This is not a great score, but with patience it is certainly workable. Along with the naked number it will be helpful to have an idea of what exactly it means and how it is calculated; once we know how they figure it we can figure out how to raise it. Here is a good explanation http://www.bankrate.com/brm/news/credit-scoring/20031104a1.asp
A couple things to note: Paying your shit on time, your debt to credit ratio and the age of your accounts together make up 80% of your score. Eighty fucking percent. Notice what doesn't mean shit: Income, owning a home, age, whether you're a bitch or dude, etc. The things we can easily change are the things that matter most, and the things we're more or less stuck with count for ass.
How does this apply to Greg and what should he do next? First, pay all his bills on time for a few months. That is common sense. Then hit the phones, bitch. Start with the easiest possible shit and call each card co and ask them to drop the interest rate. Every little bit helps, though soon he won't even look at APRs because they won't matter. But for now Greg is a broke ass pussy bitch. He will probably get a lot of 'nos' but whatever. Fuck them.
Now that he is working on the first factor he can control it's time to move on to the second: the debt to credit ratio. Let's say Greg owes $2k on a card with a limit of $2500. That means he's carrying a balance equal to 80% of his credit available, and that looks bad to creditors and the layman alike. Knowing that a lower % of credit used is better regardless of the exact numbers involved, how can a guy with more or less fixed income and expenses decrease that number most easily and make himself at least appear more credit-worthy? Save up and pay it off? Sure, but we want easy, and the easiest way is to simply get more available credit. It is at this point Dave Ramsey starts blowing loads into his own face. Most credit cards have a button online that reads 'request credit limit increase' and most of them are fairly loose with what they give you, though once you get around $24.9k with AMEX on a single card they can be a pain to deal with. Anyway the idea is to either call or go online and request a credit line increase for that card. Let's lowball and say they only give him $1k more of credit. Now he owes $2k on a card that will give him $3.5k. Despite his debt not changing he is now only using 57% or so of his available credit. Do this for each card and it will make a difference in his score, and that is what counts in the long run. Now, it is important to do your homework, as you do not want the card issuers making hard pulls when they do this. I am getting tired but will pick this up later. I'm going to leave myself some notes as to what I'm thinking.
-planning - balance transfer (to card and/ or bank account)- online banking- liquidity- money in hand/ credit (as it relates to emergency fund) - interest compounding for/ against you - getting stuff along the way - 100s of ks of airline miles/ hotel points/ etc - avoiding renewal fees - consolidation - issuers - resources - conventional wisdom is for dumb people - making money with other people's money (enough to pay bills/ more) - don't cut up cards, never close them, consolidate
- minimize hard pulls
- what are pulls
- FAKO/FIKO
- Business cards
- hide debt
There is plenty more. I didn't realize how much there was to this when I started writing it. Shit. So I guess from here on out this blog will be finishing this explanation of stuff mixed with the random stupid shit that goes on. Since I don't have to worry about mixing audiences (since there isn't one) I'm not going to bother with starting a new blog. If by some chance you've come here for one thing and find the other that day then I don't care. Please keep in mind that it's 3 am here so the syntax and grammar might suck but if you're reading this so does your credit. And sister. At this point I'm just typing what I think of and the editing/ correcting can be done later. By your mother. I have not proofread this and I don't plan on it until I come back and splice all this type of shit together into one big story.

Shit. I don't know how to delete this damn thing.

Boobs.

In two weeks or so I will officially be old. Someone please have sex with me (women 19-34 only, please submit recent, full-body pictures)

At least part of the title is true; in about two weeks I turn 30 and I have to say I'm not that worried about it. Nothing will really change in my so it seems like it will just be another excuse to have a few drinks and not hook up with really hot chicks. We'll see how it goes.
From here on out I'm going to try and keep track of funny shit that happens. Part of the problem with wanting to do so in the past has revolved around my not wanting to mention other people's names here, just in case someone besides me or Lori actually happens to read it. Fortunately a simple solution has recently come to mind and I'm sad to say it took me this long to think of it (though honestly thought and this page are typically incompatible with one another): I will write down everyone's name and then create a pseudonym for him or her.
As I am currently at my asshat job doing 'work' I have to get back at it, lest I be fired and forced to look for a real career with future.

I accidentally hit enter while typing a title in the box and it posted so I'm starting over.

PS The answer was your mother.
Anyway it's been a while since I posted and a decent amount of shit has happened.
I bought a new car a few months ago and have been slowly getting it more and more road worthy/ driver friendly. Don't get me wrong, it always ran and drove well enough but considering it's almost 40 there were of course things that needed to be done. There is plenty about that on facebook.
Work sucks, but then that is nothing new. What super sucks is that I'm not eligible for tuition reimbursement (which I would use to take classes so I can hopefully get a real career) since I'm on the verge of being fired. I also cannot transfer to a more school-schedule friendly unit for the same reason. Lame. To be fair the job isn't too bad and the people are great, it just gets in the way of almost everything else I want to do. Plus I don't enjoy it, and I've always heard you should do what you love, though exactly what that would be continues to elude me.
I was hoping to get my Spanish and Business on and shit so as to make my ass marketable as fuck in a couple years, but looks like it may have to wait. I can still work on it at home I suppose. Learning Chinese might be the way to go, but that seems hard to do out of a book. Then again I do have plenty of free time... Gotta find a travel job that pays well.
I'm already getting bored writing. Tomorrow's goal is to try and find some sort of purpose or sense of direction for this page. If the plan is to use it like a diary to write now and read when I get old and need to look back on the emptiness of my life then I should update more often so I can better remember what actually happened. If I am going to try and present usable information then I should start being more professional (and probably just start a new blog). We will see.

Q: What has two legs and totally sucks ass?

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one. Though losing my camera is.

I have had the worst gas all day today and it has been hilarious. More on that later.
Lately I've found myself presented with a situation that I'm not sure has any possible acceptable resolution, and there are currently two main options. Without getting into specifics, the first would be better in the short run, but the possibility of a pleasant long-term outcome is almost nil. The second option would suck in the short term and if it didn't quickly backfire would likely be the most beneficial yet least satisfying long-term maneuver. I guess what I saying is both choices probably suck, it's just a matter of when and how much. The second choice would also be hard to implement all things considered and could be pretty awkward, and it's more than likely the first choice would ultimately have the same outcome as the second. Not sure if that makes sense to you but it did to me.
On a not totally unrelated note I realized today that I am about 6 months away from turning 30, and I have no desire to be single when I do so. I'm not going to just start dating some random girl, but I think it's good to have a goal. The plan is to keep running and stuff and hopefully be in as good of shape at 30 as I was at 22 or 23, and I think that is pretty realistic and might help my cause. If (when) that fails I've decided that if I'm going to be single I at least hope to avoid being that old fat single guy, though the creases in my forehead and lines around my eyes combined with going out too often certainly don't help any. If I can't make any progress on the relationship front by that time I'm seriously considering moving somewhere else, maybe Chicago or something, to get a fresh perspective, and just for a bit of a scenery change. I don't expect it to be a miracle cure, but I'm not getting anywhere here and sometimes change is good. I guess we'll see in six months.
I'll pause here to take a shower.
Okay. So it's official, my camera is lost. Or more precisely, if it is still here then it's whereabouts escape me. The bright side of this is I now have an excuse to get a new one, and who doesn't like getting a new camera? Nobody, that's who. It's getting late and I'm hungry. Time to hit melrose for trivia.

This is not the greatest blog in the world. This is a tribute.

I think I have some sort of disease where whenever the weather sucks then I do as well, productivity-wise that is. When I rolled out of bed I was determined to make the most of the day and get some stuff done. I didn't. I watched Heroes season 2, went to the Y for an hour or so, hit Kroger and then came back and watched some tv online. I had meant to study some Spanish in preparation for a trip to Central America sometime this spring, but I never got around to it. A couple people have said they want to go to Costa Rica and I could certainly stand to go back there for a while, but I suspect that when it comes down to it they will bail on the whole deal. It could be a pretty cheap trip so hopefully it will work out.
Now I'm sitting at home alone drinking and wishing I were out doing something. It's not so much that I feel like I need to go out, it's that I know nothing is going to happen or change if I sit around here all weekend being boring. Who knows what I'm missing or who I'm not talking to and all that. Sure, most nights I go out and nothing happens anyway, but there is always a chance and I owe myself that much. As I get older it seems more and more people get married or in serious relationships and spend less and less time going out doing dumb shit, so I need to make the most of my few remaining years of drinking friends.
On another note I think I might get up early and go do the Percy Warner 5k tomorrow morning. It starts at 8 am or so which is pretty early but I would like to do it just to compare it to my time last year. Plus they give out cool shirts. Not sure if that'll happen though. But maybe.
Lately I've been thinking about handedness and how dependent I am on my right hand for doing almost everything a hand could do; my left is almost worthless (curiously there is one thing my left is good for and that is rubbing shampoo/ conditioner into my hair. I tried with my right and it is borderline impossible. Yeah.). To try and counter this I have started using my left hand more often, but it is awkward at best and futile at worst. I hope someday to become more or less ambidextrous and be able to write, masturbate and throw with equal skill on each side. A boy can dream.
For some reason I've been feeling pretty stressed out lately, and I've never really been one to get that way. I think trying to get back on the night schedule at work and the general uncertainty about what I want/ plan to do might have something to do with it. But whatever, that is what EtOH is for.
Well, I'm going to go try and read something though I suspect I'll just end up watching more tv online. Non sequitur. Songnan is heading back to Shanghai to live in a few months. While on the one hand that sort of sucks, on the other hand (the left? hmm) it's cool because I will soon have a free place to stay in Shanghai and free food while I'm there (his parents own a few restaurants). So the plan is to hit China this summer and see what that shit is all about. Probably pick up some Chinese women. Well, okay, probably not. F you.

I know where the hippies go

I spent most of today being a complete piece of shit; watching tv shows online, dicking around on facebook wishing I had friends and then going to the Y. After all that shit wrapped up I ate a grilled chicken sandwich and some cheese/broccoli rice followed by a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I spent the next hour shitting my brains out and wishing I had just gone to Kroger for a salad. Once my stools became solid I went to Melrose to meet Strunk and some kids to knock a couple beers of my list and then we all went to the Basement to check out some music. The first guy kind of sucked but the main band was pretty good, in that filthy Springstein meets Bon Jovi meets crushing poverty meets hygiene by the wayside kind of way. Not bad though overall. The thing that kills me is that everyone there was dirty-looking, wearing ratty clothes and flannel jackets and old boots and shit like that. What part of liking music means you have to dress and act like jobless homeless trash? It's almost like there is a competition to be the most 'authentic' stereotypical dirty hippie. Clean up, get a job, and shave you stinky bastards. Actually, that was an incredibly unfair and hasty generalization and I like most people as individuals, I just don't understand the universal homogeneity that exists amongst the music wannabe crowd.
After that it was back to Melrose to polish off a few more beers and get owned by some random chicks at the basketball game in the back. I absolutely suck at that shit but it is fun as hell. Speaking of fun, I have been wanting for weeks to go play laser tag downtown, but nobody will go with me. What could be cooler than getting trashed and running around in the dark? If you know please tell me. It's late and I'm going to bed. Alone. Damn it.